Many times, life deals us a hand of cards that we didn’t ask for and in the mist of it, we lose our identity. We get so consumed with the situation at hand that we forget who we are in Christ. We end up giving our position and authority away.
That is what happened to me during this divorce. I no longer knew who I was. I didn’t have a purpose. I allowed the devil to steal my identity because I had no fight left in me.
Before my marriage, I had a relationship with God. I knew my position. I knew what authority I had. Yet, with time, I began putting my spouse and everything else before God. I started to handle and deal with things on my own without seeking God. Eventually, everything started falling apart, especially me. There was a disconnection from the source. I no longer knew how to get back to that point of fellowship with God.
During the last few months of my marriage, I thought I was seeking The Lord but I really wasn't. Instead I was going through the motions. My way of thinking was "I". I am going to save my marriage. I am going to pray and go to counseling. I am going to tell God to work this out. Instead of surrendering it all to God, I kept my hand in it. Everything was "I" and not Him. My marriage eventually ended and we went our separate ways.
It was devastating but most of all, embarrassing. I thought, "How will God ever use me? After all, this isn’t my first rodeo. Who would listen to me? What positive example of my marriage(s) do I have? Basically, what am I good for? How will I ever talk to someone about marriage?"
It has been a journey these past few months. I’ve been searching for my identity. I wanted to know what God thought of me. How did he see me? Scripture says my sins are forgiven and wiped away. I am a new creation, no longer bound to my past circumstances. Still, I had that title “Divorced, Rejected” hanging over me. I didn’t want to be known by that. I really wanted to know what God thought and not the ideas of others.
So, I sought the Lord. This time I was sincere and broken. I needed Him but most off all, I needed to know how God saw me.
Wednesday night, September 17, 2014 God graciously answered my plea. God called me a “Princess.” That one word spoken over me by my Father God broke the image that covered me. My eyes were finally open to my worth. It was as if, everything spoken over me, to me and about me instantly fell off. Just that one word shifted my identity.
God didn't have to answer me but because He loves me, He did. That evening God showed me His mercy, love and grace and it melted me like wax on a candle.