The ending of a relationship is hard, no matter who is at fault. There are so many feelings and emotions happening at one time that you can lose focus. Life can become a blur and many people get caught in the area of depression. Thankfully, we have a loving father, Jesus, who came to set the captives free and break the yoke off our necks.
I have learned that when something comes to a traumatic or a unexpected end, there is a grieving process and a fine line to either getting stuck in the pit or being set free.
The first step is denial. It can be hard to understand and accept why a relationship ended unexpectedly ? Many times this is the time when people turn to drinking, promiscuity or another dangerous habit to cover the pain. Rather then deal with the issues head on they bury them deep down inside. Me for example, I use to rush into the arms of another man, just so I wouldn't be alone or have to deal with the hurt and rejection. Little did I know that I was just adding to what God had to tear down. This is actually the time to we need to come to God and cry our heart out to him. Only HE can heal and deliver us from the situation.
Next is the anger. Here is where a person deals with the pain that is often covered up with anger we are carrying. I have seen some people keep their feelings bottled in until one day it all explodes and they end up hurting other people. Others, I have seen literally become sick because the anger started eating them from the inside out. This last time around, I dealt with the anger. I sought God honestly. I found and stood on the scriptures asking God to create in me a new heart. I asked The Lord to show me how to sincerely forgive my ex husband and bless him. I learned that if there was unforgiveness in my heart, it would hinder my blessing. Since I was in a delicate situation, I needed all the blessings I could receive.
The third is bargaining. Here is where we start compromising ourselves and our worth just to go back to the mess that we left. Guilt usually follows because we start blaming ourselves for what happened. "What if I would of just stayed? What if I was prettier? What if I let him have more freedom?" We gotten so use to a rotten relationship that it became all we knew or comfortable with. We can't see that God has something better for us if we would just trust him. He came to give us peace and a sound mind.
Fourth is depression. This is a dangerous area if you don't seek God. Here is where I see a lot of people get stuck and sometimes lose their life. There was a time in my life when I went through a real bad depression. I tried to take my life that night but not before asking God, "If you are real and you hear me, show me your real. I can't feel you or hear you. Do you even care?" I thank Jesus that he spared my life that night because I am hear to tell you today that HE is real and HE hears you and catches each single tear drop that you cry. That same exact night HE revealed himself to me and I knew without a doubt that Jesus Christ is real. Unfortunately, depression becomes so heavy for some people that they lose the battle because they try to fight on their own and not with the word of Christ.
Psalm 119:105 "The word is a lamp onto my feet and a light unto my path.". Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Jesus specifically calls out to us in this time of trial. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28 “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” He doesn't call on the people who have it together but rather those who are broken.
Finally,acceptance. Here is where I believe we have already dealt with the pain and learned to trust God. The chains are broken and your free to walk into your future. You have accepted what has happened and gleaned from it. You begin to find your identity and worth again but this time it is in God, not man. You have forgiven yourself and/or others for any pain or guilt and are free from the burden of guilt, shame, regret and hurt. You can walk tall with your head held up high.
From my own experience, it is easier and faster to deal with a situation when you stand on the word of God. There is something about the name of Jesus that changes the atmosphere. When you start praising him and saying the word of God while your going through the mess, it is hard to stay miserable. Then one day it happens, the pain and hurt are gone. Your eyes and heart are open and your able to love again.